The Helper's High: Exploring the Benefits of Kindness

Almost ten years ago, I took part in a powerful training program that was geared towards therapists, but open to all. Our group of around 30 people met every other month for 4 consecutive days at a time and worked through big struggles and issues that we were having, and learned techniques and theories in the process that then helped improve our professional skills. It was at the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland and that experience changed my life.

During my time with this group, I was impacted by each and every person there. In very unique and different ways, they touched my heart and we supported one another to grow and transform in ways we couldn’t have imagined.

Very recently, I learned that one of those special people in my cohort died from a heart attack. He was around my age and a very kind soul. He influenced me in ways that I still feel to this day. His death was a big surprise. In his obituary, it was asked that in lieu of sending flowers, please offer random acts of kindness to those around you, in the spirit of our kind friend who passed.

This invitation and nudge moved me deeply. Yes, to honor his life the ripples of his kindness, generously share kindness with others. That resonated so much with me.

Since then, I’ve been imagining different ways I can share loving kindness with people I love, acquaintances I barely know, and complete strangers. I’ve also noticed the kindness of others with me in ways I hadn’t before.

It is easy to find dark and foreboding stories about people in the news. It’s pretty easy to see evidence of greed. But what about evidence of generosity? Of sharing? Of compassion and kindness?

When I opened myself more fully to kindness, I realized the spirit of kindness is alive and well in humanity all over the place. Recently I’ve traveled to large cities, to medium size cities, to small towns, and to the countryside. Every single one of those places, I’ve noticed amazing acts of kindness in so many ways. It brings me joy.

Witnessing acts of kindness has been shown to release oxytocin, which is also referred to as the “love hormone”. Oxytocin can help with reducing blood pressure and increase hopefulness and optimism.

Research out of Stanford and published in Scientific American showed that positive effects of kindness have quite an impact on people simply watching it happen in front of them. Kindness can be contagious – those people who witnessed kindness also became kinder themselves and paid in forward, creating a domino effect.

I noticed this for myself! When someone does something generous for me or someone I love, I notice a spill-over effect. I want to join in and share too. This can be as simple as sharing carts at Aldis rather than asking for a quarter in return. The other day a woman refused my quarter and gave me her cart to use. That little act inspired me to do the same for the next customer once I was done with the cart. Such a small act. We’d get the quarter back from the Aldis supermarket cart, right? And yet, the act still makes a difference even so.

It can be that small.

Or it can be bigger in the forms of favors, acts of service, gifts of time, or talents on behalf of someone else.

Kindness activates the production of serotonin, a feel good hormone that is in many antidepressants – this helps us heal wounds and generally feel calmer and happier.

Since we’re talking about hormones, lets also talk about cortisol (a stress hormone). Did you know that people who are frequently kind actually have 23% less cortisol and age more slowly than the average population?

What I also find interesting, is the way that giving impacts the giver. Of course, everything with moderation, right? If we give of ourselves too much without replenishing our own reserves and stores, we will burn out and it doesn’t ultimately help anyone when we’ve toasted our energy. But when we’re able to balance the giving with the replenishing, amazing things can happen.

Research out of Emory University demonstrated that when you are kind to someone else, your own brain’s pleasure and reward center activates, as though you were the recipient of the good deed – not just the one offering kindness. This is referred to as the “helper’s high”.

Did you know that performing random acts of kindness can also calm anxiety and help lift depression?

The University of British Columbia did a study in which a group of highly anxious people performed a minimum of 6 acts of kindness per week. After one month, they reported a huge increase in positive mood, better experiences and satisfaction in their relationships, and less social avoidance amongst those who had social anxiety.

In studies reported out of UC Berkley, half of the participants reported that after helping others they felt stronger and more energetic, calmer and less depressed, and overall a greater sense of self-worth.

Random acts of kindness also can lead to greater physical health and wellbeing.

In the book “Raising Happiness; In Pursuit of Joyful Kids and Happier Parents” by Christine Carter, she shares that people who volunteer tend to actually experience less physical aches and pains. AND people 55 years old and older who volunteer have a 44% less chance of dying early. That’s after removing all other contributing factors to longetivity including physical health, exercise, gender, unhealthy habits, marital status, etc.

So why aren’t we kind all the time?

Reported in the New York Times and the Journal of Experimental Psychology, researchers have found that people who perform random acts of kindness tend to underestimate how much it means for the person on the receiving end. They minimize the impact of their kind act.

This leads researchers to wonder if the minimizing we do about the impact of our kind actions or fear that our kind acts will be misinterpreted, prevents us from generally being more kind more of the time.

What the research actually shows us is that our little acts of kindness make a huge difference. They can change someone’s entire day or week. And they are much more rarely misinterpreted than we might fear that would be.

I know this has been true for me. I have definitely wondered if I did something on someone’s behalf, they would fear that I had ulterior motives that I simply didn’t have or would somehow not trust the kindness in my heart as real.

It was reassuring to read about these studies showing that actually that’s not typically the case. In fact, the positive reach of our random acts is way more widespread than we probably ever imagined.

So, I’m feeling inspired to share some generosity with others now. Are you? What acts of kindness have you received in your life? What would you like to share with others, no matter how small, to spread the kindness spirit and make the world a better place?

It matters. You matter, my friend. And you will probably never quite know the depths and width of your beautiful impact on others.

Perhaps you can trust that the impact of your light is felt and received, even if it's experienced quietly.

Resources:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/kindness-contagion/ https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ https://www.appleseedmentalhealth.com/blog/2023/11/13/kindness-matters#:~:text=A%20research%20study%20out%20of,a%20decrease%20in%20social%20anxiety. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/02/well/family/random-acts-of-kindness.html https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/resources/studies https://www.christinecarter.com/raising-happiness-book/